Being Informed Or Avoidance?

I love to learn new things.

The problem enters when my desire to learn something new is my way of avoiding and trusting the information I already know.

When I’m in that space and think I don’t know enough, it’s typically because I’m scared to lean on what I do know.

My brain wants me to think I’ll leave out something important or that I’ll create a risky and embarrassing moment for myself that exposes me for not knowing something that I claim to know.

So, I bury my head in Google search, I map out flowcharts to deepen my understanding (I’m a visual learner!), and I distance myself from relying on my own brain to come up with the answers.

I swim in not enough’ness, justifying my victimized state, and spend more time in energy that isn’t in service of me or anyone else I can help.

It also shows up when I think “I need to be prepared or else no one will want to work with me”.

My brain takes so much pleasure indulging in all-or-nothing thoughts. 🥴

If this happens to you also, let’s explore this.

How Avoidance Came To Be

Your nervous system is designed to let you know when something feels threatening.

When you feel threatened in any way, your body doesn't feel safe, and you express that in the things you do/don’t do, say/don’t say.

Over time, your body becomes really skilled at detecting things that “don’t feel good” as things that aren’t safe and should be stayed away from.

Except, your nervous system doesn’t stop to evaluate if the threat is actually something good for you or not.

You might experience a perceived threat to your system when you meet someone new for the first time, see food in the fridge that has gone bad, experience silence after telling someone something personal, or even hearing good news!

Each of these instances activates your nervous system.

With the exception of the food gone bad, you aren’t in danger. And, the food is only bad news if you actually consume it. But, my guess is that based on what your body says or your mind thinks, you’re likely throwing out the food.

The point being, you know when something isn’t good because it makes you feel a certain way.

When you feel any sort of discomfort, you might experience physical sensations like:

• Your heart rate increases

• Your breath shallows

• Your palms get sweaty

• Your stomach tightens

• Your awareness heightens

Avoidance is one way you’ve learned to respond to certain situations; it’s something we’re taught as kids.

“Don’t touch that or you’ll get hurt.”

“Stay away from the door or you’ll get hit with it.”

The avoidance equation is simple: Do/Don’t do X to avoid Y.

Except you weren’t taught to know that this equation exists let alone when it’s useful and when it isn’t.

Part of that is because you never had to question the system in the first place!

This belief sits safely and comfortably in your brain!

So, your need to over-educate and over-research makes sense because you think people won’t take you seriously otherwise. This unintentionally keeps you from being in action and without knowing it’s actually rooted in avoidance.

Again, it feels safe.

And, it’s okay if you are only learning this now.

It’s even okay if you knew this, but find yourself getting caught in the snare again and again.

You simply need to decide each time to try again and do something a little different.

Questions To See If You Have Enough Information

At the end of the day, you get to decide when you have enough information or not.

This can be tricky though if you aren’t yet used to knowing when you truly need more information to be informed or you’re protecting yourself through avoidance.

When I find myself in this situation, here are some of the things I ask myself to see which side I’m leaning more towards:

• Why do I need to know this particular piece of information?

• How necessary is it to the thing I’m doing?

• Do I need to have to find this information right now?

• Can I keep moving forward without it?

• If someone were to ask me about X right now (whatever you’re trying to learn or gather more information on), can I be okay with my response? Why or why not?

  • This question is often enough to snap me back into reality because I’ve been in many situations where I’ve been caught off guard, unprepared, or X and I’ve figured it out without any notice.

  • Often times, we plan ahead of time because we’ve taking these situations into consideration. The kicker is knowing when the activity of “making sure all bases are covered” is procrastination steeped in avoidance.

  • Trust that you will figure it out. Find evidence to support that.

• If I wasn’t allowed to look anything up, what do I think will happen? What would it force me to do?

• Can I be okay not knowing? Why or why not?

You can learn so much about yourself just from your answers!

Let these answers guide you.

Learning to trust what you know doesn’t mean you have to cut your google search cold turkey.

You don’t even need to do that at all!

You simply want to be able to identify and discern if your “need to know” produces information necessary for what’s at hand or steeped in avoidance of having your own back.

Because when you get better at noticing it happening and discerning the difference, the more control you have over your time and productivity.

Boldly,

Lynne xo