Managing Your Feelings As A Solopreneur

Your feelings as a solopreneur are valid even if no one else understands them.

When you're pursuing your path as a solopreneur, you might feel judged by others because you think they see you as being unrealistic or maybe even irresponsible.

You might feel insecure because you've never done anything like this before and you don’t want to get it wrong because of the risk involved.

You might feel embarrassed because you don’t have the results you think you should have or aren’t where you think you should be.

You might feel doubtful about your abilities because you think you don’t have enough experience even though you have credentials, client testimonials, or you’ve experienced your own transformation.

And, because you feel like this, you aren’t taking action in your business like you want to.

The judgment keeps you from showing up and shouting from the rooftops the difference your business makes in people's lives.

The insecurity keeps you spinning in confusion and perfectionism because you don’t want to risk getting it wrong and being vulnerable.

The embarrassment keeps you small and from honoring your unique timeline and finding joy in your journey.

The doubt keeps you withdrawn and from serving and impacting others at your highest level.

You enter your personal shame spiral and use everything about where you are and what’s happening to you against yourself.

The victimization paralyzes your action taking abilities.

And, when you aren’t able to break free from the vicious cycle, you continue to stay stuck and self-loath.

Having feelings isn’t a problem. It never is.

However, when you aren’t able to move through your feelings, the things you ARE/AREN’T DOING while you’re experiencing those feelings is what’s creating your results, for better or worse.

Understanding The Role Your Feelings Play In Achieving Your Goals

As a solopreneur, you want to use your skills and passion to help people.

You want to be part of their journey so they don’t travel it alone.

You want to help people move through their struggles so they can experience fulfillment and joy.

You want people to experience the clarity and freedom you’ve experienced by doing it for yourself.

Except most people rely on how they feel to take action towards their goals.

The problem is that as a solopreneur, you aren’t going to feel motivated, inspired, confident, and empowered all the time.

And, if you’re waiting for these feelings to strike so you can get things done, friend,… you’re gonna be waiting a long time!

That’s why it’s important to understand your brain as a solopreneur because unless you deepen your skill to manage all the other feelings that surface while you’re on this journey, you’ll lean on your default programming each time.

When your feelings don’t support the actions aligned with your goals, you aren’t any closer to reaching them.

For example, let’s say your goal is to increase your client base from last year by 5. This goal is tied to you meeting people and inviting them to become a client of yours.

But, when you aren't meeting enough people, then you aren’t having enough interactions to make offers. If you aren’t making offers, then you aren’t creating clients. And, without clients, your business don’t make money.

This might make you feel defeated.

When you’re feeling defeated, you might want to pour yourself a glass of wine and finish another episode of that Netflix series you’ve been watching. You might decide to do some retail therapy or lose yourself to the ‘scroll’.

If you do things related to your business, you might find yourself researching and over-educating because you start thinking that you don’t know enough.

Then, simply decide if the outcome of those choices is what you want to continue.

If the answer is ‘no’, then give yourself permission to start looking at your conditioned survival patterns so you can pivot your way into a new direction.

Beliefs You Have About Your Feelings

Believe it or not, you might hold some deep seated beliefs about your feelings.

There’s a certain way you might think about your feelings that aren’t useful to you. And, unless you explore them and address what comes up, you’ll continue to avoid the work needed to manage them better which directly affects your goals.

Ask yourself. What comes up for you as you read the following beliefs?

• Feelings make you soft or weak.

• Feelings are too time consuming to work through.

• Feelings can only be seen as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

• Feelings are so big they can’t be managed.

• Feelings are problematic so it’s best to avoid them at all cost.

• Feelings are scary because of what I might find if I explore them.

• Feelings make everything harder.

Do any of these appear true for you? Why or why not?

What feelings show up as you move through each belief?

What kind of things would you be able to do in and for your business if the belief didn’t feel true?

The good news is that when a problem exists, the search for a solution can begin.

Not having the results you want is one way to discover a problem exists.

The other ways you can discover a problem exists is through your behaviors, the way you feel, and the thoughts you find yourself thinking.

As you lovingly explore them, do they represent what you truly want?

Are they aligned with what you’re working towards?

If the answer is ‘no’, you get to decide how you want to move forward.

How To Manage Your Feelings

Learning to manage and regulate your emotions is a highly admired skillset.

To have a deep understanding about the person you’re being and how it affects the things you do, and ultimately the outcomes you want, allows you to reclaim your power around only what you can control–yourself.

1 | Thoughts Create Feelings

Managing your feelings starts with knowing that your thoughts come first.

Thought exploration is critical to feeling managememt because it’s what you think about a situation, circumstance, or stimulus that creates the feeling you experience.

For example, if you find a good deal on something, you often think that the deal itself is responsible for you feeling excited about it when it’s actually what you think about the deal that creates the excitment.

If the deal itself was responsible for creating excitment, then that would mean a $1,000,000 house that drops the price down to $990,000 would generate the same excitment for everyone.

In the example of the house, one person might feel excited at the price drop while another person might feel apathetic. This is because the deal itself means different things to each of those people.

The person who’s feeling excited might think “I’m saving $10k on the house I want. This a great deal!”

The person who’s feeling apathetic might think “The drop in price doesn’t matter to me because the house is out of my price range to begin with.”

As you explore this for your business, take note of all the thoughts that show up around a particular areas you’re struggling in. Alongside each thought, indicate the feeling that gets generated as you think that thought.

2 | Feelings Drive Actions

Depending on how a person feels determines the kind of things that person will do/not do and say/not say.

Continuing the example of the house, the person who’s excited might take the following actions:

• Put an offer on the house

• Call a partner to share the excitment with

• Be more friendly to people they interact with

• Let things that normally would upset or irritate them slide

The person who’s apathetic might look for more houses that are within their price range and continue their day as usual.

The point is to notice what things you find yourself doing/not doing as you explore based off the thoughts and feelings you’re having around a partuclar area you’re struggling with.

3 | Decide

As you discover what your thought patterns are, the feelings they generate, and what you do/don’t do, you get to decide if you want to explore a different outcome.

You get to choose where to go with the new information you have.

You could choose to not change anything.

You could choose to make a small shift.

There’s no right or wrong with what you do with the new information you have.

At this step you are simply at choice.

4 | Process

Sometimes you’ll find yourself in the depths of a feeling where you won’t be able to “think straight”.

In these moments, it’s important to let yourself move through the emotion with love, grace, and compassion rather than fighting it.

“Sitting” with the emotion is allowing the discomfort of the experience to just be as it is without running to the things that would noramlly soften the intensity of the feeling.

In Closing…

Not everyone will understand what’s required of you as you grow your business.

In fact, they aren’t required to understand what you’re going through.

And, while that particular truth can bring up some disappointment, it’s okay to hold space for yourself to wish they would.

To desire their unconditional support regardless of what stage you’re in.

To see them like, comment, and share your posts.

To hear them advocating for you in conversations they’re in and people they’re around.

It’s okay to experience a deep desire for those things.

The beauty in this journey is that finding sufficiency within yourself also requires you to experience grief for what things really are when you wish they weren’t.

While it can be difficult, deep down you know your sufficiency isn’t dependent on anyone else.

And, even deeper than that, you wouldn’t want it any other way.

The desire for people to understand you and what you’re going through is not a problem to be solved.

You get to have feelings on this journey.

You get to have whatever outcome you desire and are willing to work for.

You also get to deepen your ability around emotional management in order to get there.

Because your feelings as a solopreneur are valid. Always.

Boldly,

Lynne xo