Setting Boundaries As A People-Pleaser

For those of you who struggle with people-pleasing, setting boundaries will be one of the biggest things you’ll have to embrace discomfort in when building your business.

And, this can be challenging especially when you’re offering something you deeply believe in.

You’re in business to offer something that can be life-changing and transformational.

You naturally want people to be happy with what you’re offering.

But, this also means you’ll be tempted to say ‘yes’ when you really know you need to say ‘no’.

You’ll want to compromise your schedule so your clients will be happy.

You’ll want to over-extend yourself without honoring your capacity.

You’ll want to offer more things because you think potential clients won’t be a ‘yes’ without them.

You’ll want to downplay your needs because it’s uncomfortable to speak up.

You’ll want to hide your expertise because you don’t want to come off as arrogant.

This happens because you want people to like you.

You want people to approve of what you do.

The validation of knowing you’re on the right track feels amazing!

And, all this happens not because you’re doing something wrong or that something’s wrong with you, but because you and I are beings built for connection.

This is innate within us.

This is part of our human experience.

But, if you aren’t careful to take this into consideration while building your business and actively working through it, it can effect how you show up in your business and those you serve.

Back when I was baking and decorating desserts for special events, I knew from the beginning I had to figure out how to put boundaries up in my business.

One of the main reasons this was important for me to learn and implement was because I had struggled with people pleasing and self-abandonment my whole life up to that point.

Knowing this about myself, I was scared to have a business were I felt others had control over it instead of me.

I was scared of overwhelming myself with work because I couldn’t say ‘no’.

I was scared if I didn't get this under control, my business would turn into something I didn't like.

So, in order to address this, it meant a few things:

• I had to know the distinction between being flexible with client requests and when requests and ways of doing business were not in line with my values or what I was offering.

• I had to decide ahead of time what I was willing to allow and what I wasn’t.

• I had to become really clear on the types of orders I wanted to work on, specialize in, and be known for and being okay declining orders/referring people to other vendors if their request was outside of those specifications.

• I had to trust that people would say ‘yes’ to working with me despite having different business practices than commercial bakeries.

• I had to learn to truly believe what I was offering was unique (and own it!) despite knowing there were others who offered the same exact thing.

• I had to develop a “standard of doing business” viewpoint of my business to create consistency and professionalism.

• I had to embrace the fact that when I did find myself in situations that would tug at my people-pleasing that I would handle it with grace and compassion.

By leaning into these areas, I created a business that:

• gave me enough time to plan and execute each order

• honored my decision to not offer proofs of the final design

• allowed me full consent over last minute orders and associated fees if I did them

• offered me creative freedom over the design while integrating important client requests

• didn’t compromise my compensation while taking orders from family and friends

• had a clear, straight-forward process and how it operated

• showed up professionally in the marketplace like a storefront with a fully equipped setup

Boundaries are non-negotiable.

Your business needs them and functions well with them.

Not to create rigidity or to be unflexible, but to know what your ‘standard of doing business’ is.

This can be confusing when you’re building your business from the ground up and you’re unsure of how things should be or what it should look like.

“If I set my work hours, what if there’s an emergency outside of those times?”

“What if they try to negotiate my offer?”

“What if they ask for something I know how to do, but it’s not something I want to do/offer?”

When you’re used to second guessing and doubting yourself, it can be challenging to reinforce things you put in place.

To get started, here are some questions to start:

• Where do you currently know your business needs boundaries?

• What is happening now because boundaries are not in place?

• If this continues to happen for another week/month/etc, what is it costing you in the long run?

• How is setting the boundary a positive benefit for those that work with you?

• What will setting this boundary allow you to do more of?

• What could get in the way of you reinforcing this boundary?

• What do you need to think about setting this boundary that makes you feel good having it in place where reinforcing it wouldn’t be a problem?

Boundaries are essential to keeping things in place.

It makes it clear what is allowed and what isn’t.

It creates safety for you and for the people you work with.

It allows you to spend more time on the things you want to be doing.

Should you decide later on that the boundary is no longer necessary, you also get to change your mind an evolve what was in place.

Because you are in control.

Always.

Boldly,

Lynne xo