When Building Your Business Bothers You

Building a business is going to bother you in many different ways.

Some of the ways you might find yourself bothered are when:

• sales are low

• clients aren’t getting results

• family/friends aren't supportive

• you seem to be doing so much without results

• a potential client says ‘no’, ‘I’ll think about it’, ‘I don’t have the money’.

• your day is planned and other things show up unexpectedly

• you can’t figure out what to write

These are just some of the things that are bound to happen.

The path of solopreneurship is baked with what we see as inconveniences we’d all rather avoid.

It doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong, but it’s interesting to see how people manage the things that are bothering them.

And, in this letter, I want to specifically touch on one of the ways I see this play out.

When you’re bothered about something, there’s often another feeling underneath that’s getting touched, but not addressed.

• When you’re bothered that sales are low, you’re might be worried.

• When you’re bothered by your clients not getting results, you might be annoyed.

• When you’re bothered by family and friends not being supportive, you might be discouraged.

• When you’re bothered by your lack of results for all the work you’re doing, you might be frustrated.

• When you’re bothered by a potential client saying ‘no’, ‘I’ll think about it’, or ‘I don’t have the money’, you might be worried.

• When you’re bothered by things showing up unexpectedly, you might be anxious.

• When you’re bothered by not knowing what to write, you might be irritated.

When those underlying needs aren’t addressed, pressure builds up within you whether you realize it or not.

The only way to get rid of the pressure, is to release it.

Being bothered isn’t problematic at all.

Except what most people aren’t aware of is they subconsciously become overwhelmed with an emotion they haven’t yet learned to manage in a way that serves them at their highest.

When you don’t learn to manage the emotion, you fall prey to your conditioning.

One way you're conditioned to relieve the pressure when you’re bothered is by complaining about it to people you think would understand and wouldn’t try to challenge you on it.

Complaining is a very common way to self-soothe.

And, it makes sense because not only do you have an enjoyable experience doing it, everyone around you seems to enjoy it, too.

They commiserate with you, you feel better.

They contribute their own complaints, you commiserate with them, they feel better.

The dopamine hits deep from these circles making them very addicting!

So, anytime something bothers you, you can’t wait to tell someone about it and you repeat the cycle over and over again.

When you do this a few things happen:

• You disempower yourself from taking responsibility for the unmet needs that feeling bothered brings up.

• You rely on others to make you feel validated and reassured in your experience.

• You reinforce the pattern that the way to feel validated and reassured when you’re bothered is to complain about what’s bothering you.

• You outsource your power to self-advocate and trust yourself.

• You stay bothered longer.

• You don’t solve the root of the problem.

• You position yourself as a victim to your experiences.

• You don’t give yourself a chance to get better at meeting your own needs.

• You deepen the belief that there’s safety in staying bothered.

And, while you likely wouldn’t choose any of those consciously for yourself, the habit cycle is so strong, you only know the way to find relief when you’re bothered is by complaining about it.

The thing is, you’re not bothered because all of these things are happening to you.

You’re bothered because of what you’re thinking about the things that bother you.

You make it mean something has gone wrong or you have done something wrong.

And, then you believe something has indeed gone wrong.

• When you’re bothered that sales are low, you’re might be worried because you think “I won’t make enough money”.

• When you’re bothered by your clients not getting results, you might be annoyed because you think “they aren’t following the process”.

• When you’re bothered by family and friends not being supportive, you might be discouraged because you think “they don’t understand me”.

• When you’re bothered by your lack of results for all the work you’re doing, you might be frustrated because you think “my time and effort are going unnoticed”.

• When you’re bothered by a potential client saying ‘no’, ‘I’ll think about it’, or ‘I don’t have the money’, you might be worried because you think “I’m not good enough to work with”.

• When you’re bothered by things showing up unexpectedly, you might be anxious because you think “I won’t know how to handle it when things go wrong”.

• When you’re bothered by not knowing what to write, you might be irritated because you think “I’m taking too much time and not getting anything done”.

Then, you seek reassurance and validation by complaining about it to people you think would understand and wouldn’t try to challenge you on it.

This helps you find safety to know nothing has actually gone wrong.

To break free from the cycle and take on a more “unbothered” approach, the first thing you need to do is recognize your tendency to complain is a self-soothing method you’ve been conditioned to use to relieve the emotional pressure that builds up.

From there, you get to decide if you want to continue to build and strengthen that habit of if you want to do something different.

If you decide you want to do something different, then you have to get clear on what you will do instead to relieve the pressure that builds up.

I want to be clear that I’m not advocating for you to not talk about what’s bothering you.

It’s really important to be onto yourself when talking shifts to complaining.

One of the ways you can notice this and catch it is when finding a solution isn’t part of the conversation.

Or, you aren’t using what’s bothering you as context for “what you’re doing to get out of it”.

This journey of solopreneurship is meant to be enjoyed.

Unlearn what bothers you and work on adopting an “unbothered” mindset.

There’s no reason to miss out on it.

Boldly,

Lynne xo