Your Emotional Intersection

Since I was a kid, I’ve always been an observer of human behavior.

By paying attention to people’s reactions and the way they use words, I learned an external definition of what was ‘acceptable’ and what wasn’t.

I adjusted my behavior accordingly in order to be accepted.

Through this, I learned to either abandon myself completely to please others or I rebelled hard using my words to attack and judge their lack of understanding.

I’ve done so much work where those same things don’t trigger me like they did before, yet there is a part of me that still experiences shame and embarrassment around it.

When I think about why that is, it’s because I don’t want anyone to know how mean and hurtful I was or can be when I do fall prey to my conditioned pattern.

I’m terrified of the rejection.

I’m terrified of the disappointment.

I’m terrified of not being able to amend the situation when it does happen.

I’m terrified of not being able to handle the rejection and disappointment if I don’t do it properly.

It all feels very real and true in my body.

And, while there is a large part of me that wants to retreat to safety when it shows up, the truth is I’m not in any danger.

I’m simply moving to a desired pattern from a conditioned one and the crossover requires discomfort as payment.

So, when I think about why others want the results that come with doing this work, but get caught in the uncomfortable feels that come with doing it, it’s because there aren’t enough reps to adjust their tolerance baseline.

Getting to the other side is available to anyone willing, but not everyone is willing to pay.

And, just like you need to commit to regular exercise and proper nutrition to support your fitness goals, a change in mindset requires you to commit to regular thought work in your everyday situations to put in the reps.

Your Conditioned Pattern

If you want better communication in your marriage, the discomfort will show up when your partner does/says something you think is irritating, annoying, disappointing, frustrating, or any other feeling.

In this moment, all you want to do is communicate back the same you always have.

You tell them they’re doing it wrong.

You tell them they should have known better.

You tell them if they can’t get it right, don’t do it at all.

Except you’re already living these results and doing any of this doesn’t help either of you work towards better communication.

But, you’re stuck in this cycle because even in the heat of the chaos, there’s comfort in doing things this way.

It’s so comfortable, it takes no effort on your part!

This is your conditioned pattern.

And, all you have to do at this point is simply notice the pattern you’re stuck in.

Maybe this isn’t your exact conditioned pattern, but there’s definitely one that keeps you spinning.

When you know what that pattern is, you can work on creating change from it.

Your Desired Pattern

In order to lean more towards your desired pattern that supports better communication with your partner, the same moments where your conditioned pattern can easily step in and take over become the opportunities to put in the rep for your desired pattern.

In these moments, you get to decide which result you want.

And, the payment is feeling the discomfort of not handling the situation the way you normally would.

This is the emotional intersection where a new pathway is forged.

And, in the moment it feels so uncomfortable because it’s not who you are (yet).

So it’s hard and it requires effort.

You think you’re surrendering or giving in, when you normally have something to say, but choose to do/say something different instead.

And, when you do this, you think you’re:

• denying yourself

• abandoning yourself

• rejecting who you are

Except you aren’t.

Your brain is simply sending you these messages because you aren’t doing what you normally do.

It’s recognizing this experience as a threat; even though it isn’t one.

This is the intersection where you want to give in and give up.

This is the intersection where you are convinced you can't do it because it feels like it’s not who you are.

The only thing that’s true here is you haven’t been taught how to navigate this intersection in a way that supports the goal on the other side.

It’s not a problem that you don't have the reps.

You simply need to decide what result you want and if you are willing to feel the discomfort at that intersection while doing something different.

This work is not above you.

It’s for you.

You can do this without question.

You can do this without a coach.

However, should you decide you want regular support, I know exactly how to help you put one foot in front of the other when your brain wants to abandon ship.

It’s my job to help you.

Because the results you want are worth working towards.

Always.

Boldly,

Lynne xo